Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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