So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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