I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
