two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
