I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
