I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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