Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
