I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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