Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
