Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
