Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
