I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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