I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
