Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
