We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
