I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
