When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
