Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
