You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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