tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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