there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
