Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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