I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
