you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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