We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
