nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
