You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
