I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
