sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
