Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
