I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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