My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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