you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
