I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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