shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that's an acceptable place to lick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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