so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
