The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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