worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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