is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
