you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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