since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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