sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
