I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
