watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
