with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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