i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
