I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
