The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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