Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
