I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
