I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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