Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
