What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
