Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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