I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
