Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
