Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
