Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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