getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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