Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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