they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
