I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
