im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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