Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
