Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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