i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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